We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
