Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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