Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
