I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize