TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
