You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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