So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
