why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
