normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
