end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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