I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
