Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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