So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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