no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
