i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mom said you looked used
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
