Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
