Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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