Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
