i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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