u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
