He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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