Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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