Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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