if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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