Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
