if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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