Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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