the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize