i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
