I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
