Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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