That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drake has all the answers
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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