So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
