i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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