onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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