I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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