16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
