It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
