it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
