just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
