There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
