Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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