Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
