you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
