my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
