Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
