So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
