I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm like, not good at living.
how drunk are you?
Several
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
