You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
