I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's never too late to be topless.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
