i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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