Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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