Just fell off a train. Bad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
