Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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