is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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