I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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