I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize