Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i came on her dog
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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