so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
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