LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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