Umm I'm too high to move.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
