I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
