I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
