I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How does it feel to date your dad?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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