I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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