Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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