My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
