Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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