I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
