he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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